Oyez
c By
The
In the hurly burly of
Tourists with small attention spans and
lawyers with large egos find themselves in awe the moment they are admitted to
the small courtroom. On days the Court
is in session, menacing stares of the security guards guarantee that no one
misses the point. This is serious
business. Absolute silence is enforced
in the chamber for five minutes before the heavy velvet curtains part and the
justices enter to hear the first case of the morning. The marshal of the Court declares solemnly,
“The honorable, the chief justice and associate justices, of the Supreme Court
of the
Then, after the admonishment and all the honorables, the fun begins.
That is, what happens during oral arguments before the Supreme Court
often evokes laughter. I’m not here to
relay Supreme Court jokes. We heard
plenty of those during the recent nomination and confirmation process for the
two newest justices. Well, just a
couple. As a former devoted reader of Mad magazine, I
still look forward to the day when the high court takes up the case of Spy v.
Spy. My favorite Supreme Court postcard
shows two fishermen in the Great Northwest – one casting his line from a small
rubber raft, the other walking a stream.
Justice Souter sent this card to Justice Blackmun. The caption was “Roe versus Wade.”
No, I’m talking about laughter during oral arguments in the Court
chamber – humor that seems to be breaking out more frequently these days. The
mirth often contrasts sharply with the issues before the Court. In March, for example, justices were
considering the first amendment rights of especially incorrigible inmates
housed in maximum security in the
Here’s a bit of the dialogue between Louis Rovelli of the Pennsylvania
Attorney General’s office and the justices:
Rovelli: “There’s certainly a security component to it. Paperback books,
small, compact, much more difficult to use as weapons, and the experience of
the prison staff that operate this high security unit is that newspapers and
magazines are – have been – a frequent source of mischief.”
Justice Scalia: “Can we explain
that? How does one use a newspaper as a weapon? I mean, you know, maybe
disciplining the dog or something.”
This remark sparked some laughter in the Court. But then Rovelli explained that prisoners
apply toothpaste to the newspaper to create a sort of papier-mache, which hardens into an effective club when the
newspaper is rolled up tightly. This was
the answer Scalia sought to illicit.
Later, the attorney for the prisoner attempted to rebut
Justice Scalia could not let this opportunity pass: “Do you know what
kind of a fire you can make with the Sunday New York Times?” he asked. The laughter that ensued in the courtroom
suggests the audience suspected Scalia already knew the answer to that
question, as well.
You’ve probably figured out one of the reasons for the more robust laugh
track at the Supreme Court. Yes, Justice Antonin Scalia is a bit of a smart alec. Jay Wexler, a
professor at Boston University School of Law, has documented Scalia’s
contribution to Supreme Court humor by counting instances of laughter.[3] Can
you guess who takes second place? I’ll bet you know who scored no points at
all.
You can conduct this research yourself, on the Supreme Court’s web
site. Just call up the recent oral
argument transcripts and search under the word “laughter.” Every time the transcriber hears laughter, it
is noted in parentheses. Starting with
the Court’s 2004-2005 term, the transcript states the
name of the justice who asks a question.
Previously, transcripts merely said “Question.” So, now you can easily determine which
justice prompted the merriment.
Looking at the seventy-five oral arguments recorded in the 2004-2005
term, Wexler found that “Justice Scalia won the competition by a landslide,
instigating seventy-seven laughing episodes.”
Wexler adjusted his statistics to reflect the fact that not all justices
attend all arguments. In particular,
former Chief Judge William Rehnquist – who was known for his good humor --
missed several sessions in the final years of his life. The second biggest laugh generator, on this
adjusted basis, was Steven Breyer.
Rehnquist was fourth, just behind William Kennedy; David Souter was
next; John Paul Stevens, Sandra Day O’Connor and Ruth Bader Ginsburg were
also-rans. Justice Clarence Thomas, who
rarely speaks at all during oral arguments, went unrecorded.
Today, there is a serious debate among
well meaning and informed individuals about whether the sittings of the Supreme
Court to hear arguments should be televised.
Senator Arlen Specter, chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, is
sponsoring a bill permitting cameras in the most important courtroom in the
land unless a majority of the justices, on a case by case basis, vote to bar
camera access. The justices object that
under the Constitution the legislative branch may not set rules for the
judiciary. That’s a good rebuttal. But I don’t think that those who oppose the
televising Supreme Court oral arguments should be allowed to get away with
citing boredom as point in their favor.
On the other hand, I don’t want to
overstate my case, so to speak. The work
of the Supreme Court is just about as far from comedy as you can get. The Court’s solemn rituals may seem quaint
and pompous in a society that rejected the trappings of royalty two hundred
thirty years ago. But they have worked. Of course, serious justice is better for all
of us that slapstick justice. Moreover,
the Court’s demeanor has served as a vital counterpoint to the more
freewheeling Congress and the occasionally amusing comportment of the executive
branch.
In addition, you might say that people
who turn to the Supreme Court for amusement should seek professional help – and
not from lawyers. As Professor Wexler
notes, “The Court Reporter does not distinguish between types of laughter,
either in terms of duration or intensity; a quip that has resulted from a series
of small chuckles, in other words, may count just as heavily in this
methodology as a joke that brought down the house.”
My own research of cases in the current
term found no examples that seemed remotely like bringing down the house. Unfortunately, many laugh lines in oral
arguments have a you-had-to-be-there quality about
them that makes retelling a difficult exercise.
Here’s one example that falls flat on rehearing:
Last year, the Court considered whether
calls you make to someone over the Internet should be regulated as telecommunications
or as information transfer.[4] That’s a
hotly contested issue between phone companies and Internet service
providers. Justice Breyer tried to put
the complicated matter into context:
“Rather like when I phone
Some laugh lines are merely inside jokes among constitutional lawyers
that would not work at all in a David Letterman monologue. Here’s an example, with Justice Scalia
questioning a lawyer:[5]
Scalia: “It depends on whether the federal question has to be pleaded or
not.”
Attorney: “That’s correct. And
the justification of the well pleaded complaint rule that the Court has
authored is that it provides a quick rule of thumb for determining at the
outset of the litigation which cases are most likely to be the ones where the
Federal law issues are at the forefront.”
Scalia: “It’s quick and dirty. We
haven’t tried to slice the baloney too thin in this area, have we?”
At this point, according the official transcript, some people in the
courtroom laughed. But more people
probably fell asleep.
Many of the noted instances of laughter reflect nervous laughter, as the
Court deals with particularly delicate subjects. There were nine laugh lines noted in the one
hour oral argument of Lawrence and Garner
v. Texas [6], a pivotal case in which the Court reversed itself to overturn
state laws against homosexual sodomy.
That’s quite a few laughs for any case.
Justice Breyer wasn’t trying to get a laugh but prompted one anyway when
he told the attorney for the State of
Often, laughter is spawned by the tension of the proceeding itself. Generally, each side gets a strictly enforced
thirty minutes of oral argument, as a light at the rostrum signals the end of
the period. But much of the time can be
eroded by interruptions from the bench in the form of questions and
comments. One lawyer described his first
standing time at the lectern, just a few feet in front of the justices, as
similar to teetering at the top of a giant ski slope.[7]
In 1995, the Court considered a case
concerning a high school district that required random drug testing of student
athletes, conducted in the school by school officials.[8] The case was brought by the parents of a
student who argued that the test was an invasion of privacy. Thomas Christ, attorney for the student,
became flustered as skeptical justices fired questions at him.
Rehnquist: “How much privacy is
there in a boy’s locker room with a bunch or urinals lined up against the wall
and guys marching naked from the showers to the lockers?”
Breyer: “People urinate in men’s rooms all over the country.”
Christ: “We all urinate, that has to be conceded. In fact, I might do so here.”
Incidentally, I should note here that we
know who was speaking in the sodomy and drug testing cases, which were
presented before the 2004 term, thanks to an invaluable web site for Supreme
Court junkies. It’s the Oyez Project at
What’s so funny about oral arguments in the Supreme Court, besides
Justice Scalia, of course? I would argue
in my 30 minutes – and you don’t get to interrupt me -- that humor is not
merely incidental to the pressure of Court proceedings or to the personalities
of the justices. Rather, humor and law
have a great deal in common.
In his small but influential book, An Introduction to Legal Reasoning[9], former Attorney General and
Quite often, the examples being compared
in legal reasoning seem odd. Supreme
Court oral argument in cases concerning school desegregation in the 1950s
included references to riverboat pilots on the
Levi points out that the history of the
Commerce Clause of the U.S. Constitution is rich in evidence of the law’s
evolution through sometimes strained analogies.
Over the decades, stories about prostitution, lotteries, oleomargarine,
worker strikes, automobiles, child labor, guns and marijuana have been compared
in efforts to expand or contract federal power under the Commerce Clause. The White Slave Traffic Act of 1905, also
known as the Mann Act, was not directed at white people alone, had nothing to
do with slaves and went well beyond the definition of trafficking. But in considering the constitutionality of
the law, which intended to address so-called red light districts in many
cities, lawyers evoked each of those analogies and others that were even less
relevant. Each example had been employed
by courts previously in affirming the Commerce Clause as a moral weapon. The
Mann Act, in turn, was used to extend the Commerce Clause to issues far beyond
its scope, including Court rulings about wage and hour laws. So, the law grows as judges consider fresh
analogies.
Sometimes the results are just
funny. Often during oral argument
justices frequently pose amusing hypothetical situations -- or what-if
scenarios -- as a way of focusing or restricting the analogies that the lawyers
standing before them are trying to sell as relevant to their case. But on one occasion in 1995, the black-robed
justices lost control of themselves in an interlude that has been compared to a
skit on “Saturday Night Live.”
The case was literally funny on its face:
Florida Bar Association v. Went For It
Inc. [11]. Went For
It was a lawyer referral service that, according to its critics, collected the
names of accident victims and distributed them to ambulance chasing lawyers --
thus the name. The firm was cited
for violating a state bar association rule that prohibited lawyers from soliciting
victims or their relatives for thirty days after an accident or disaster. Went For It’s lawyer
drew his analogies by connecting the concerns of his client to the First
Amendment and the importance of citizens learning about their rights to counsel
under the Sixth Amendment. The bar
association’s attorney spoke about upholding the reputation of lawyers –
invoking the examples of the solemn dress of the justices and the decorum of
the Supreme Court building itself.
Rehnquist asked Bruce Rogow, who was Went For
It’s lawyer, whether he would agree that many people thought lawyers were
greedy. “We’ve fought an image issue for
a long time, Chief Justice,” he replied.
Here’s what followed:
Stevens: “We probably should pass a statute saying you can’t say unnice
things about lawyers.”
Ginsburg: “And not read Dickens or Shakespeare.”
Souter: “Not admit greedy people to the practice of law.”
Scalia: “I’m glad I never passed through the stage of being a lawyer
before I got where I am.”
Breyer: “It might have helped you, actually.”
Sometimes, an attempt to juxtapose distinct sets of facts – real or
imagined -- to create an effective analogy fails to persuade the justices. The attempt to create a legal parallel can be
a case of dark humor.
Federal drug agents seized marijuana
from the home of a
Looked at in a political context, you
would expect liberals who favored the
But this time the conservative justices
upheld the broad interpretation of the Commerce Clause that dated back to the
New Deal. They voided the California
Compassionate Use Act. The relationship
between these gun and marijuana cases is complex, but essentially the Court’s
conservatives liked the Commerce Clause when it was used against marijuana
smokers but disliked it when it was used against people toting guns around
schools. It’s worth noting that the
author of the medical marijuana decision was the Court’s senior liberal,
Justice Stevens, who is a leading advocate of the Commerce Clause as a bulwark
of the American commonweal. Irony and
paradox, not to say hypocrisy, are the essence of humor.
But enough about mining humor out of dry legal reasoning. Another factor in the expansion of laughter
in the Supreme Court is what appears to be a widening gap between two kinds of
lawyers – those who are experienced in presenting oral arguments and those who
are not. The Court is hearing fewer
cases and is often better prepared for oral arguments than in the past. Legal scholars are challenging the
conventional wisdom that oral arguments are merely pro-forma. One law review article demonstrated that you
can predict the outcome of cases by measuring the number and tone – hostile or
friendly – of questions that the justices ask lawyers.[14] Before he joined the Court, Chief Justice
John Roberts Jr. conducted a study of twenty-eight oral arguments [15]. In twenty-four cases, the lawyer who received
the most questions lost. That’s why
lawyers for commercial clients attend Court sittings and rush out to activate
their cell phones when the argument has ended.
It’s also why a small group of Supreme
Court practitioners are getting big bucks to present cases. A survey by The American Lawyer magazine[16] found that justices are hearing
fewer cases and relying more on a small group of Supreme Court advocates, a
throwback to the days of Henry Clay and Daniel Webster. Prominent on the A-list of Supreme Court
practitioners are individuals who served as Solicitor General, former clerks to
Supreme Court justices and a few entrepreneurial lawyers who set about to be Supreme
Court specialists. Women are scarce in
this group. So it’s not surprising that
oral arguments may on occasion – such as the high school drug testing case --
take on a tone not unlike the men’s locker room in a country club. One former
member of this select group is now the Chief Justice of the United States, John
Roberts.
In elite professions, such as the law,
familiarity does not breed contempt. It
breeds bonhomie and humor. A legendary
example was William Kunstler, who, despite his reputation as a shock jock in
the legal profession, was a welcome visitor to the Supreme Court. Thanks mostly to Kunstler, there were
nineteen eruptions of laughter during the oral argument in a 1989 case
concerning flag burning.[17]
In one interchange with the justices,
Kunstler noted that the Texas law he was challenging referred to “a national
flag.” “There are many national flags,”
he noted. “I counted seventeen national
flags. Each department here in
Washington has a flag.” At that point, a
justice asked Kunstler, “Does the Supreme Court have a flag?” “I don’t know,
but the Republican Party has one,” replied Kunstler. All but two of the justices at the time had
been appointed by Republican presidents.
I should add that Kunstler had been before the Court just a month
earlier to defend a rock band promoter whose outdoor show had annoyed residents
around New York City’s Central Park.
Seth Waxman, who was solicitor general under President Clinton, makes a
comfortable living as a Supreme Court hired gun. He seems to enjoy it. In a 2004 case concerning environmental law,
Waxman had this exchange with Justice Breyer[18]:
Breyer: “And now, you’ve sort of said, no, no, you’re way off base, and
I want to know why I’m off base.”
Waxman: Justice Breyer, you’re not way off base. You’re slightly off base, but not way off.”
A few minutes later:
Waxman: “With respect, Justice Breyer.”
Breyer: “Yes.”
Waxman: “Here, you are completely off
base.”
Whether Supreme Court oral arguments will
ever be televised, the Internet has pierced the Court’s veil of intentional
boredom. The major perpetrator is Dahlia
Lithwick, a writer for slate.com, an Internet news site. Lithwick reports on Supreme Court oral
arguments as if they were comedy club acts.
Her account of the appearance of Anna Nicole Smith last February in a
trust and probate case was titled “Rack and Ruin.”[19]
“The Court somehow scatters its own unique brand of boringness and
uptightness over every drama it touches.
Whereas Anna Nicole Smith exists exclusively for psychodrama. If she isn’t wearing something sparkly or
saying something filthy, she might not exist at all. Which is why this morning’s collision between
the two worlds is so compelling.”
Unfortunately, with Miss Smith in the
audience, the Court was on its best behavior.
There are only three laugh lines in the transcript. None of them was funny, even in context. Lithwick gets around this impediment by
exercising her journalistic imagination: “I would love to tell you that she did
something, anything, to distinguish herself from the thousands of appellants
who have brought their cases into these marble halls. But the Court has worked its magical spell of
blandness.”
In another case, Lithwick imagined the
justices as different breeds of dog or cat as they listened to a case in which
a drug-sniffing dog detected drugs in a defendant’s car without first getting a
search warrant.[20] The case arose from
Illinois. Illinois Attorney General Lisa
Madigan was a collie. Souter was a
Persian; Scalia was a Chesapeake Bay retriever; Stevens was the Cat in the Hat.
Kennedy was a sheepdog, and so on.
Beyond Lithwick’s creativity, this 2004
case, titled Illinois v. Cabelles, illustrated another reason for more humor
during oral arguments. We don’t know yet
how Chief Justice Roberts is running the shop.
But under Rehnquist, his demand for efficiency left little time for
socializing during the Court’s secret conferences. As a result, Court observers noticed more
interchanges among the justices during oral arguments. In the dog-sniffing case, Lisa Madigan noted
that the defendant was stopped on Interstate 80 for driving 71 miles per hour
in a 65-mph zone.
Stevens: “I don’t imagine you
arrest everybody on I-80 that goes 70 miles an hour. I’ve done it many times myself.”
Scalia: “Inadvertently.”
Stevens: “Inadvertently.”[21]
Lithwick wrote that Scalia was “trying to save Stevens’s confession from
turning into a spontaneous courtroom dog sniff.”
No lawyer will ever forget his first time
presenting a case to the Supreme Court.
But for the newcomers, the memory rarely includes humor. First-timers remember when they threw up in
the hours before appearing. They
remember their panic attacks. One lawyer
was playing with his one-year-old daughter a few days before his
appearance. The little girl pushed a toy
with a suction cup onto his face. He
recalled, “When I finally dislodged the thing, it had left a large, well
defined red circle in the middle of my forehead that looked exactly like a
target.” Fortunately for him, the mark
disappeared before he entered the hallowed Court room.[22]
This lawyer, Thomas Sullivan, also
suffered one of the legendary missteps in recent Supreme Court protocol. The first recorded instance of this disaster
is attributed to Rex Lee, who was solicitor general under President
Reagan. Lee encountered Chief Justice Warren
Burger at a social event. “And he told
me, very seriously, ‘Some of your lawyers have been appearing in button-down
shirts. That’s not appropriate’…I told
him I’d get someone on it right away.
But I didn’t know anyone other than me who had ever appeared in a
button-down shirt.”[23]
Sullivan came to this realization while he was praying in the anteroom
for lawyers who are about to appear before the Court. He overheard another lawyer, engaged in small
talk with colleagues, utter the Burger rule on button-down collars, just like
the one on his brand new white shirt. By
the way, the rule continued under Chief Justice Rehnquist, whose sartorial
exploits are legendary.
The most ill-starred experience by a lawyer before the Supreme Court in
recent history concerned Robert Moxley, an attorney from Wyoming. Moxley represented a girl who claimed to have
been injured by a vaccine. According to
the account of the 1995 oral argument by veteran Supreme Court reporter Tony
Mauro, Moxley “was so rattled by the barrage of questions from the bench – some
of which were ambiguous – that he began contradicting himself in his
answers. As he tried to backpedal, a
furious Rehnquist asked him, ‘How can you stand there at the rostrum and give
those totally inconsistent answers.’”
Moxley: “I’m sorry your honor.”
Rehnquist: “Well, you should be.”
Moxley: “I didn’t mean to confuse the Court.”
Rehnquist: “Well, you … haven’t confused us so much as just made us
gravely wonder … how well prepared you are for this argument.”
Rehnquist then declared that Moxley’s time had expired. He lost the case nine-to-nothing and was
fired by his client. He later told
journalist Mauro, “I felt like I had been dropped out of a tall cow’s ass. The
taller the cow, the bigger the pile.”[24]
Speaking of time expiring, one of Chief Justice Roberts’ first laugh
lines came at the end of an oral argument last December, as Roberts was
establishing himself as the new chief justice of the United States. Justice Breyer was questioning a lawyer in a
case concerning employee drug testing by the Federal Aviation
Administration.[25]
Breyer: “Why, given the presence of Section 705 of the act…”
Lawyer: “Well, we….”
Breyer: “…one’s … forget it.”
Lawyer: “Uh, oh.”
Breyer: “Your time’s up.”
Roberts: “I get to say that. Your
time is up.”
And so, I say my time is up.
FOOTNOTES
1. “Home of the Court,” The
Supreme Court Historical Society: History of the Court, www.supremecourthistory.org.
2. Beard v. Banks, argued March 27, 2006, www.supremecourtus.gov.
3. Jay D. Wexler, “Laugh
Track,” The Green Bag, Autumn 2005,
vol. 9, no. 1, pp 59-61.
4. National Cable & Telecommunications Assn. v. Brand X Internet Services, argued March 29, 2005, www.supremecourtus.gov.
5. Grable & Sons Metal Products v. Darue Engineering &
Manufacturing,
argued April 18, 2005, www.supremecourtus.gov.
6. Lawrence and Garner v. Texas, argued March 26, 2003, www.supremecourtus.gov.
7. David J. Bruck, “First
Arguments at the Supreme Court of the United States,” The Journal of Appellate Practice and Process, vol. 5, issue 1,
spring 2003.
8. Vernonia School District v. Action, argued March 28, 1995, from recorded oral
argument on www.oyez.com.
9. Edward H. Levi, An Introduction to Legal Reasoning
(Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1949),1, 2.
10. Mark V. Tushnet, ed., Thurgood Marshal: His Speeches, Writings,
Arguments, Opinions, and Reminiscences (Chicago: Lawrence Hill Books, 2001)
27, 50.
11. Florida Bar Association v. Went For It Inc., argued January 11, 1995,
from recorded oral argument on www.oyez.com.
12. Raich v. Gonzales, (also cited as Ashcroft v. Raich) argued Nov. 29, 2004,
www.supremecourtus.gov.
13. U.S. v. Lopez, decided April 26, 1995.
14. Sarah Levien Shullman, “The
Illusion of Devil’s Advocacy: How the Justices of the Supreme Court Foreshadow
Their Decisions During Oral Argument,” The
Journal of Appellate Practice and Process, vol. 6, no. 2, fall 2004.
15. John G. Roberts, Jr., “Oral
Advocacy and the Re-Emergence of the Supreme Court Bar,” The Journal of Supreme Court History, vol. 30, issue 1, 2005.
16. Tony Mauro, “Appealing
Practice,” The American Lawyer, vol.
22, no. 10, October 2000.
17. Texas v. Johnson, argued March 21, 1989, from recorded oral argument on www.oyez.com.
18. Engine Manufacturers Association v. South Coast Air Quality, argued Jan. 14, 2004, www.supremecourtus.gov.
19. Dahlia Lithwick, “Rack and
Ruin: The Supreme Court considers Anna Nicole’s surprisingly real claims” www.slate.com, Feb, 28, 2006.
20. Dahlia Lithwick, “The Truth
About Cats and Dogs,”www.slate.com, Nov. 10,
2004.
21. Illinois v. Caballes, argued Nov. 10, 2004, www.supremecourtus.gov.
22. J. Thomas Sullivan, “First
Arguments at the Supreme Court of the United States: Twice Grilled,” The Journal of Appellate Practice and
Process, vol. 5, issue 1, spring, 2003.
23. John A. Jenkins, “The
Solicitor General’s Winning Ways,” American
Bar Association Journal, vol. 60, p. 736, quoted in Theodore B. Olson, “The
Advocate as Friend: The Solicitor General’s Stewardship Through the Example of
Rex E. Lee,” transcript, Rex E. Lee Conference on the Office of the Solicitor
General of the United States, Brigham
Young University Law Review, vol. 2003, no. 1, 10.
24. Tony Mauro, “Invoking the
Wrath of Rehnquist,” Legal Times,
March 1995, quoted in Barbara A. Perry, The
Priestly Tribe: The Supreme Court’s Image in the American Mind, (Westport,
Conn.: Praeger Publishers, 1999), 109. See also, Tony Mauro, “Appealing
Practice,” The American Lawyer, Oct.
2, 2000.
25. Whitman v. Department of Transportation, argued Dec. 5, 2005, www.supremecourtus.gov.